Tuesday, June 20, 2006

A follow up to the trip

There was one thing that became pretty clear to me over the course of the weekend… I need to take better care of myself; I need to get my shit in order.

A pretty straightforward thought that is commingled with the desire to achieve more and to make myself a better person. I’m mostly happy with who I am and I’m definitely happy with almost all elements of my life. There are a few things that I am not happy with and those manifest themselves in how I treat my poor battered body. I smoke too much (still); I drink too much; and I don’t take care of my finances which leads to stress.

This morning I woke up feeling like shit and a bit depressed… yes I had some drinks last night while watching the game but this is less of a hangover and more of a feeling like ass. The smoking is going to have to go and pronto… I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I’ve said this before but I believe it’s time… I don’t enjoy it and never really have. Now it’s just making me feel like shit.

The drinking… I’ve made comment about this before as well but it’s never really been an issue… then again I can hold my booze pretty well and to top that off I don’t get hung over very often. But I was looking over the finances and I spend too much on booze… I’ve been drunk or had something to drink each night over the last week… and I don’t think this is an unusual thing… but it is; so this is going to have to go.

I need to make myself a better person, time to step up and fix the shit that’s wrong with me and the few things that I don’t like in my life. Time to stop living in complacency just because that’s what’s been comfortable and easy; this complacency will kill me if I don’t make some changes.

The trip made me realize some of this and waking up this morning feeling like ass for no good reason is just another piece of the puzzle. I’ve got no reason to feel down about myself and I’ve got no reason to feel like shit on a Tuesday morning yet I do. It’s time to fix this because I can’t see myself like this years from now… I don’t want to see myself like this years from now because it’s not something I wanted. Ever.

I guess it comes down to… I like who I am but I’m not certain I like where I am right now. Keep the good; simplify and get rid of the bad.