Random Thoughts and Musings

Many moons ago I started writing on this blog, back in April of 2005 to be exact which makes this blog a little over 4 years old. A lot has happened since I started writing here and a lot has changed. Now don't worry I'm not about to go into a big monolog about what has and what has not happened since then (mostly because that would take me too long to write and frankly I'm being lazy at the moment).

The net result is I am no longer the same person I was when I started writing here and my goals and thoughts are a lot different. One constant is I am still me. I still have goals, I still work, and I still function as part of society. I guess I have undergone a lot of change since I started writing this blog and I think I am slowly starting to get a better grip on who I am and what I want to do.

If you're reading this question a very simple question probably popped into your mind: why the fuck would I care? Well having a good understanding of yourself and where you want to go can mean the difference between being successful and just getting along. I'm still in the latter but less so day by day and year by year.

I've always liked having this site around, mostly because it was my first blog and like the first person you sleep with there is some weird twisted attachement that has formed. I just don't want to get rid of it and I have never pretended that it is anything other than a personal blog so I can vent and rant and just go off on random topics kind of like this one. This site is my own personal soap box unassociated from well pretty much anything else I do.

I am not sure yet what if anything this means for this little blog other than I'm not about to delete it... yet... I have contemplated deleting the posts and starting fresh and linking to everything else I do online. Still up in the air about that. I guess in a strange sort of way I'm just asserting that this is my own little space that no one can get at and its important to have.

Changes and balance

Over the past couple weeks... actually I would even say over the past couple months I have really be noticing change. And I am not speaking about myself but change in general. I drive past places that I have driven past for years and things just look different. Change is probably one of the few constants in life yet we all cling to the things that are static.

I see people who do the same things over and over again living their lives in almost a bubble. They don't care about the world they don't care about anything (at least this is what it seems like). They spend years going to work coming home, watching TV and then doing it all over again. Their lives are spend doing virtually nothing yet all around us change happens.

Unless you live in a sleepy town in the middle of nowhere its hard not to notice changes. The face of the city I live in has changed. There are more buildings around now than there were even 10 years ago. I see all of this change and think about that proverbial person who sits at home night in night out watching TV doing nothing. I don't want to be that person.

At times I feel like I have wasted tons of time doing meaningless things and then at others I see that I have accomplished a fair bit. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle. Could I have done more with my life up until now? Of course I could have but I can also say I've accomplished a few things and enjoyed life and experienced it.

Being very cognizant of change makes me want to accomplish more; there are ideas that pop into my head yet when it comes time to doing something about them the scope of the idea and the effort involved seems like too much and in the end not much gets done. Breaking the ideas down and keeping at them for a while will work but again its making that effort. Its hard finding that balance but then again to really accomplish change should there really be any balance? I'm starting to think that from time to time you need to forgo the balance and take the chance for change.

I think its time to take some of these ideas and make some changes. Keeping everything balanced is fine but if it means you come home and sit down watching the TV night in, night out might not be worth it. The reality of the effort and change doesn't have to be profound. To take an hour out of each day to work on a project might be a lot so for arguments sake say you only spend 30 minutes a day. At the end of the year you'll have spent 182.5 hours working on that project (its the equivalent of almost 5 work weeks). Unless you're trying to build a house that time can really add up to some thing. You can keep the balance to some degree but don't forsake change.

Quiet

I don't remember the last time I sat quietly and did pretty much nothing. For the last half an hour I've been sitting with the baby napping in her swing. The humidifier is going in the background and a train just went by. I haven't had this much quiet in a while. I normally don't notice the fact that the humidifier is going other than to put some water into it.

There is too much hussle and bussle in life its nice to occasionally get a reminder to stop and pause. This type of pause really forces me to realize that a lot of the stresses and seriousness of life is imagined or imposed. How important are all of those emails you spent all day procrastinating about?

I have enjoyed my moment of silence and I'm going to try including them more often in my days.

I'm bored of winter already

Normally you'd never hear me say something like that but I'm getting a tad bored of the cold weather and lots of snow. I know this is something I should be used to but over the past couple winters there has been a lot more snow that normal and I think I'm starting to feel the winter blahs. I've never given it much creedence but this year I'm really looking forward to some warmer weather.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the baby has really kept us at home and not doing much, other than looking after her. Maybe it's something else but I am definitely ready to shed the winter jacket. I still think the snow is pretty and I think I will always like winter but for whatever reason this year I just need a warm break - too bad that's not planned till next winter.

Do you get the winter blahs? What do you do about them?

Happy New Years!!!!!

Happy 2009 everyone I know almost no one comes to this blog anymore but I don't write much so that doesn't surprise me. If you do happen to stumble on this blog or happen to be one of the few people that have keep me on your RSS list I hope you have a great 2009. I'm hoping that this year isn't as fucking crazy as last year for me. 2 Jobs, a new house, and most importantly a baby make for a really busy year. I just want this year to slow down a bit so I can enjoy it.

It's a Girl!!

I know I haven't been posting much on here over the past little while and lately I haven't been posting on any of my sites because things have been so incredibly busy. Well most of this was surrounding one event in my life - the fact my wife was pregnant. Well I've got great news, she's no longer pregnant. We are now the proud parents of a baby girl that was born this past weekend. I'm brimming with pride and essentially telling everyone I know or encounter that I'm a dad now.

Its a very profound event in a persons life. I'll never get over that and never forget it. This little life is so dependent on me and especially my wife.

A Coffee and some Emails

Right now I'm sitting in a Starbucks having a cappuccino and checking my emails - some work some not. I think this is the coolest thing that I'm no longer tied to being in an office to be able to do some work. Shit being able to sit in a different environment every day to do some work or even some blogging is very neat.

The thing that I'm curious about is why so many employers have an issue with allowing something like this. Today happens to be a bit of an anomaly since I'm waiting for a meeting but normally he doesn't like me working off site. My productivity would be so much better if I could work independent of an office.

Now I think its time to get something to eat and go to my meeting.